Hey lovely people
A little something I wrote back in November 2016, but never posted:
As many of you read in my last blog, I brought up this calling to go out and give cookies to the homeless. Many people responded to me; I had friends and acquaintances text me and message me. I was astonished by how many people my blog post reached and how many hearts were moved by it. Not going to lie, it was a little terrifying to see the blog views jump throughout the course of the day. I revealed a lot. I was open and I was vulnerable, and that’s scary. The most important thing of all, is with that vulnerability showed the power of letting Christ into out hearts. I saw the power of turning suffering into offering. I saw the power love and faith has over pain and hopelessness. My own father, who “Kinda-sorta” believes in God called me after reading it. He was moved by my strength and he even stated, “I can tell you love God so much.” My own dad had his heart crushed into a million pieces about a year ago. I watched him suffer, lose faith, and hope. In that time, I had to stand strong to show him that God was still be by his side and was going to heal him. I knew I was the only string holding him close to Gods heart. I prayed everyday for his healing heart and for Gods light to overcome his darkness. Guess what? Gods light did eventually come, with time. My dad’s heart has a little scar now from a deep wound God healed. The painful memories will always be present, but now he is standing on solid ground, stronger, wiser, and loved. He is an example of a person who has been healed by Gods unfathomable love, and that gave me a piece of hope.
I know this wound in my heart will eventually heal, just like my past wounds. I would be lying if I said its healed already. I’m still hurting, I’m still questioning God why, I’m still wishing for things to be back to normal. But, I am also trusting. I know God would not have let this happen if he didn’t think I was strong enough. He is testing my strength and my faith. He is testing my sinful heart. I could be bitter and mope around. I could choose to hate. I could choose to let my anxieties consume me. But, I’m going to choose to be strong and love to the best of my might.
And back to now, March 2017.
One of the reasons I love to journal is to look back at old prayers and my old struggles and see how I have grown since them. In the four months, since I wrote that the Lord has done wonders in my heart and continues to do wonders! I am also happy to say the God healed my heart just like he did my dads. But, the Lord still has more planned that is going to continue to let my heart heal and grow closer to his!
So its Lent… and a time for purifying our hearts and minds.
Last Lent I said I would give up “Friends” and spend more alone time with myself. Guess what? I failed completely… and I did something with people every weekend during Lent.
So this Lent, I’m trying again.
I requested a week off work following my 24th birthday.
I booked a last minute Airbnb in Evergreen, CO.
I’m driving the whole 18-19 hour drive out there AND back (with a pit stop in Kansas) by my self.
Yes, you heard right, by myself. Don’t worry I have heard it all already “Thats such a long drive.” “Your car is going to blow away.” “You better drive safe.” “Thats so scary, are you sure this is a good idea?” “You are going to so be bored.” “Its not safe to go by yourself.”
But, guess what?! I will be safe because I know this is what God is calling me to do. He is calling me to be BRAVE. He is calling me to give him everything on this trip, from all my joyful moments to all my sad moments. He is calling me to find the peace and beauty within myself. He is calling me to find peace in being alone, in knowing that I AM a beautiful creation, just like all these other beautiful humans I can easily see it in more than I see it in myself. He is calling me to find the Holy Spirt that is within me so that I can better give grace, light, and love to all those I encounter.
I’m going to spend each evening there reading, praying, journaling and reflecting. I’m going to spend the days hiking and taking in the beauty of the state I have been dreaming of for years! I want to watch the sun rise and the sun set each day. I want to see the ice capped glaciers, the glistening lakes, the mighty and beautiful mountains.
This adventure is going to be an awesome one. Its going to be one that really helps me take control of this fear and anxiety within myself and further replace it with LOVE and JOY. It just brings tears to my eyes knowing the goodness and excitement that is going to come from this solo adventure.
This is going to be an adventure, I’ve been dreaming of.
I’m going to find myself more deeply than I have ever imagined.
I’m going to find more love.
Not the kind you receive from other people. But, the love already present within me.
With that, I’ll be able to love God and others MORE. (YAY)
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be tranformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will.” -Romans 12:2
INTERMISSION: Until my exciting adventure, enjoy some lovely Photography by my dear friend Miranda Frase and a recipe for Dark Chocolate Butterscotch cookies!!
Chocolate chunk butterscotch cookies
- 2 ½ cups all purpose flour
- ¼ tsp salt
- ½ tsp baking soda
- 2 eggs
- ¾ cup white granulated sugar
- ¾ cup packed dark brown sugar
- 2 sticks of butter, 1 melted and 1 softened to room temp (1 cup)
- 2 tsp vanilla
- 1 cup dark chocolate chunks
- 1 cup butterscotch chips
- Preheat oven to 350ºF.
- Sift together the dry ingredients: flour, salt and baking soda.
- Melt 1 stick (½ cup) butter in a small bowl. Then, cut up another stick and lay it in melted butter (this will soften it to room temperature).
- Beat 2 eggs in a stand mixer till foamy. Beat in sugars and vanilla.
- Beat in the butter till well combined.
- Beat in the flour, ½ cups at a time.
- Remove bowl from mixture and stir in chocolate chunks and butterscotch chips.
- Bake 12 cookies at a time on a baking sheet for 10-12 minutes.
- Serve and enjoy
All photography on this post is by Miranda Frase, Davinci Photography.